Growing up and being tossed into the crossfire

It is September again. Exams started again, stress from the short school year came, and my total disability to learn. I am just too lazy to learn for exams, which I have painfully experienced again today during an exam. I completely failed in it I think. I completely failed in almost all of my exams I have written so far as far as I know. Now I am here late at night, writing this blog post instead of going to sleep to prepare for another day of school tomorrow. I have never learned to learn properly. But I also don’t try to learn. So in a sense it is not the fault of the education system not trying to teach me how to learn, but more me being lazy as fuck. I much rather spend my time working on things like a message board for dn42, or scraping all domains found in the dn42 registry to document which ones are online on our webpage.

What is there to change?

A lot.

I somehow need to fix my relationship with school and learning in the next few months. I don’t want to do this school year again, because I plan on going to uni with a friend after my Abitur to study computer science together. Uni is another place I am scared of. People say it is way more stressful than school. But I also will need to find a job to earn money to finance everything.

To come back to my responsibility in all of this. I need to take my life in my own hands now, there is nothing guiding me anymore after I finish school. There is also very little guiding I have now, I need to learn on my own how to learn, and that fast. I simply cannot be scraping at the edge of failing in school all the time, just because I am too lazy to get my ass up to work, or am being to distracted distracting my friend from learning with the crazy stuff I have done in the meantime. Winter is coming, I have been sick often again. This brings more tasks with it, as I am missing in school. More stuff to learn again, more stuff I simply ignore to do whatever I like.

If this all sounded like random gibberish with no real aim, it is because it is. I am currently not in a very well state of mind, I am just hoping I can somehow turn my life around. I will have time off from school soon, where I will be visiting a few friends in Poland, which I am fairly excited for. But I still need to find a way to fix this mountain of problems I have created for myself though my lack of discipline and dedication in important topics.